Episode 9: One Trip at a Time (Improv & Conflict Transformation)

Do you want a foolproof mindset to connect with others more?

A tool that will boost creativity to another level?

A way to solve conflicts productively?

Easy; get away from your thoughts and add up on theirs. Use the power of 'Yes, and' today!

Let me explain.

Kalispera, Good Evening, Buenas Tardes, Dobry Wietzor. Welcome back to After The Dragon. A reflective, existential podcast about navigating life’s changes.

Episode 9: 'No, but' how about some 'Yes, and'?

But, no. I am not becoming a life coach influencer snake oil seller guru giving you the golden rule of becoming likable, but I thought it would be funny to initiate an episode like it’s a horrible LinkedIn post.

Still, I have some explaining to do: What are these 'No, But' and 'Yes, And' on the title?

What was I even talking about in the beginning?

–

Imagine, for a moment, that you’re on a stage. Lights on you. Nothing but silence. Up there, you’re alone.

No scenario in hand. Nothing’s prediscussed.

A person jumps in from the curtain. They get right next to you.

'Doctor, I’ve grown a second head overnight!'

'No, that's impossible. You clearly have only one.'

…Wow. Someone call Captain obvious, to report how you killed the scene before it ever… came to a head! (Badum Tsss..)

That’s a classic example of a 'no, but'. The other person came to you with an idea, and you’ve stuck to your senses and thoughts. You’ve funneled them down to a stalemate.

It sounds like a silly example, but we’ve been 'no, but'ing people and 'no, but'ed by others for all of our lives.

The time a partner or a friend invites us to something we’re not so crazy about. The time a hateful colleague suggested an idea in the team meeting. Or a stranger tried to initiate a conversation with us.

A 'no, but' rejects. 'Why go there? It’s a horrible place! Let’s go for a coffee instead'. 'That’s a terrible idea. It won’t work, because of this and that'. 'Do I even know you?'

Doesn’t it sound familiar?

Don’t get me wrong; it’s an essential mindset! Not all ideas are created equal, nor do you have to agree with everything.

But there’s also the other side of the coin; 'Yes, and'.

What the hell is 'yes, and'?

After returning from Albania, needing to reconnect and push past comfort zones, I joined an improv class, an experience completely opposite to the isolation I’d been feeling, moving closer to Kaizen’s Gemba, where things actually happen - if you’re unfamiliar with the term, go listen to the previous episode.

Improvisation is a theatrical genre, that is exactly what it sounds like: create scenes with no script in mind. Make it up as you go along.

It has been a lot of things that I knew I lacked my whole life. It’s highly rhythmic. It’s at times unpredictable. And it’s so, so social.

And its main mindset is to say 'Yes, and'.

When you’re on stage improvising with another person or people, you have to let creativity flow. If you’re up there with another person, you’ll be dancing in pairs; you just can’t ignore each other, like a lobotomized brain.

To improvise means to adapt to the current context. Not to plan, but to react. The exact opposite of an underground man’s vacuum.

It’s not just you and your ideas. It’s you and how it can connect with something bigger.

A 'yes, and' approach adds up!

Only a 'yes, and' response adds to the scene.

Let’s head back to our original example:

'Doctor, thank you for seeing me so quickly. I’ve just grown a second head overnight.'

'Yes, I see. And the other one is winking! Is it… flirting with me?'

'Yes… frankly, both of us are!'

'Yes… and I can’t decide which one’s cuter!'

Ok, that’s an unprofessional doctor. But it’s a funny scene, isn’t it?

We’ve successfully added up to the idea of the other, building it up to something more and more hilarious each time.

That’s what makes 'yes, and' so great. It is spreading the ideas, doesn’t funnel them. It enhances instead of eliminating. And it requires you to be a part of something bigger than yourself.

Remember the Underground Man from Episode 7, trapped in his skeptical isolation: a pure ‘no, but’ figure? Nietzsche’s playful child from Episode 1, however, the last stage before the superior man, embodies ‘yes, and’: open to life’s unexpected turns.

'Yes, and' can be a strong tool to solve conflicts as well!

Johan Galtung, a Norwegian Sociologist who researched the significance of conflicts (defining them as actor(s) in pursuit of incompatible goals) for all his life, even had a term for yes, and: 'Conflict Transformation'.

Conflict Transformation means reframing conflicts positively. Instead of negotiating downwards into compromises that satisfy no one, it opens space for creative, cooperative solutions where everyone gains something valuable.

It’s a collaborative approach often overlooked; because we take for granted that we have to be opposing one another, not collaborating. That we have to take care of our freedom and ideas first, above all others. That our ideas are the best for the improv scene, and not of our co-actors.

We’ve been cutting corners in each part of the way. We’ve been missing opportunities to connect with others, without even knowing it.

And 'Yes, and' it’s a great tool to change that.

A great friend and podcast listener, Luca, often reminds me that life's not black and white. He’d argue right here that ‘no, but’ isn’t always wrong, as he correctly did so in the previous episodes. He’s right. Balance matters. Both approaches have their moments.

It’s a coin with two sides, or four, actually. 'No, and' shuts everything down coldly. 'Yes, but' is cautious optimism. Each can be valuable in the right context.

That’s why I’m stopping this episode here.

As, in the thesis of the 'yes, and' we’ve explored today, in the thesis of 'unchecked positivity and gratitude' of episode 6, and of the 'need to escape the isolation and personal vacuum' of episode 7, we need a strong antithesis.

Episode 10 will feature such an antithesis. A critical look at modern life's pressure to constantly achieve, referring to a modern-day philosopher’s work that couldn’t be more relevant: Byung-Chul Han’s insights from ‘The Burnout Society.’

Stay tuned, but for now: You don’t always have to reject. You don’t always have to add up. But you can do both; so, depending in which side you’re mostly using, how about trying to explore a little bit of the other?

–

Thank you for reaching the end of the ninth episode.

Trust me; I can't wait to write and publish the next episode. Check the sources below!

If you want to dive deeper into negotiations & conflict transformation, I’ve also written two highly relevant articles at gmpapadopoulos.com: more contemporary, applicable ideas, but even more fun to read. Check them out in the description.

That’s all. Consider dropping a like, a review, to follow and share, or give me feedback on how to improve the show.

The next episode is on the 8th of May. See you all then!

Marketing Materials: ⁠⁠Strategaze⁠⁠

Music Credits: ⁠⁠Ba Dum Bum ALL by ⁠freesound_community⁠.⁠

Sources:

• For improv in Thessaloniki, check out ⁠ComedyCanvas (in English)⁠ and ⁠ThessImprovice (in Greek)⁠.

• For deeper reading on conflict and collaboration, check out my related articles on ⁠Conflict Transformation⁠ & ⁠Negotiation Tips⁠at ⁠gmpapadopoulos.com⁠.